Track
by violetdoodlebug
Summary: Densi one-shots (well, mostly...) because I'm a fangirl on too many levels. 14: "But if you expect to have him back as your partner, you'll have to learn how to keep your hands off of him."
1. Track 1

A/n: HI! So, I kind of lied to you in my description, but now that you're here :)

This collection of one shots will be based on Taylor Swift's new album 1989.

Now before you leave, these are not song-fics. I'm not quoting the album to you. Those are her words. I do not own them. (Also, NCIS:LA isn't mine, by the way. In case you hadn't noticed.)

If you hate Taylor, you'll probably never notice. Its vague connections. It's Densi, not Haylor.

I'm just going to go in order down the track list, from Welcome to New York to New Romantics. I hope you'll stick around. Some will be longer than others, some will be awesome, some not so much. Like, for example, this one right here. It's like, 200 words. And I do not like it. However the second one I do enjoy, so, just going with it. (Posting it too, to make up for how bad this one is.) It'll probably be like this throughout.

OH, and if you do love Taylor, totally listen to the corresponding song while reading, because that's always fun.

* * *

><p>Track 1 (Welcome to New York)<p>

* * *

><p>They've had a hell of a year.<p>

Honestly, more like two years. No, make that a hell of a partnership. Its never been right. Something has always been wrong.

But they've made it. They've thrived. There have been ups and there have been downs. But its been a ticking time bomb. A literally bomb, on several occasions.  
>But he knows as he presses his lips to hers for the first time since she was shipped off to Afghanistan, that this love has been waiting for them.<p>

Her face is glowing, her smile radiating. This doesn't happen by chance. They've both been looking for this, whether they'll admit it or not.

He could never get tired of her. He never will. She's past Jack now. She's locked him away in a drawer and thrown away the key.  
>She's ready for a new rhythm, the rhythm she's been dancing along to since Marty Deeks waltzed into her life all those years ago. And she's ready to embrace this all the way. Home, work, everywhere. She's diving in head first and she's not going to turn back.<p>

Now that he's ready, nothing can really stop them. They know there will be challenges. But there always have been. They can love and want each other. They've been doing it. They just  
>have to keep it up. And that can't be hard.<p>

Their love is like a big city. They're evolving, ever changing people. But they're not about to change the face that they are in love. But they're facing the fact that this desire cannot be contained or stopped. And why should it?

When you're finally happy, why on earth would you try to make it stop?


	2. Track 2

Track 2 (Blank Space)

* * *

><p>Densi thoughts early on in the relationship- they're still learning.<p>

* * *

><p>Magic. Madness. Heaven. Sin.<p>

Four words. That's all it takes for him. He can describe Kensi Blye, his love for her, her personality, her beauty, all of it. And it only takes four little words. He doesn't think it should be that easy. Yet, it is. There it is.

What he doesn't know is that she can use the exact same four words to describe him.

Her magic power lies in her ability to royally screw things up, and yet, he'll find it cute like an hour later. Take the time she punched him for an example. He should have been pissed. And he was, to a degree. But soon enough, he was asking if he could be Max and if they could be just a boy and girl hanging out and come on. How does that even happen? Her effect on him is purely unearthly.

Somehow, the magic power he posses lies in his hugs and kind words when she wants to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. After the Department of Justice interrogation, he knew everything. He knew she was hurt, and yet, he didn't treat her like a broken baby girl. He treated her with the dignity and respect she deserved. He confronted her and pulled her into him and made her feel _safe_, and that was a feeling she didn't have often. But somehow, he always makes her feel safe.

Even though he has that effect on her, he can also drive her mad. And really it isn't hard. He has 11 albums of Facebook pictures dedicated to his dog. He wouldn't shut up about the durion, whatever the hell that devil of a fruit was. Stake-outs. Touche. Sticking his finger in her ear. Oh, how _infuriating_ he can be.

And as maddening as it sounds, her sugar addiction draws him to her. Come on, what kind of person keeps Twinkies in their desk? And her hoarding habits. Which she never admits to. What does she think she's hiding?

Somewhere in that sugary bliss, she's like his little personal island of heaven on earth. The night she showed up at his place with dangerously unhealthy take-out was just another night in which she's saved his life. There's absolutely no way he would have made it had she never shown up that night. While he was in that body shop, he help on to her face. Her laugh. Her smile. Everything. Between death and life, he found a line to rest on. The line was named Kensi. She transformed into a knife for a while, and kept him going through SAT phone calls and that's just scratching the surface.

She feels that same way. He's a safe place for her too. Their jobs are hard. If not hard physically or mentally, they're hard emotionally and psychologically. Sometimes people get hurt. Sometimes there are kids involved. Sometimes it piles up. Sometimes it gets too heavy. And he's always there, so he always knows what she's seen, because he's seen it too.

Although he's heavenly, he's just as sinful. He's stunning, in every sense of the world. In tight work jeans, out surfing, in his favorite black 'ghost' shirt, in anything, or in nothing. He's a gem and although she knows she's lucky, she can't tell him that. She wouldn't want his head to explode. (When really, she knows there will come a day where she'll learn to tell him how amazing he is. He deserves to know it, after all.)

And of course, she's a sin too. It only takes a moment. A touch, a glance, a night of beers on his couch. There's literally nothing but the layers of clothes on their bodies restraining them most of the time. He wakes up to find her but as his pillow, and well? Do you expect his brain to be on the north side of the border? She's beautiful. He told her once, um, actually, like 100 times. But he'll say it again. Probably in the next five minutes.

For all the hype their relationship is made out to be, its really quite simple. They've over dramatized it, over thought it, worried too much. Really, its quite simple. They can be summed up quite simply by those four little words: magic, madness, heaven, and sin.

And metaphors. Don't forget metaphors.


	3. Track 3

Track 3 (Style)

* * *

><p>He pulled his car up to her apartment, and he was only waiting there for about a minute and suddenly, she appeared.<p>

She climbed into his passenger seat, and immediately locked eyes with him.

"Why?" she asked.

He didn't say anything. But there was a look in his eye, a look of lust and passion and desire and she knew exactly why he'd  
>shown up.<p>

"Its been a while," she said, buckling her seat belt. He nodded and mumbled in agreement, but put the car in drive and off they went.

He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. She noticed it, but didn't say anything. Every few seconds, his eyes were back on her.

"Do I need to drive, Deeks?" she asked.

"No," he said, trying again to keep his eyes on the road.

It was never clear between them anymore.

They got together. But inevitably, they went and screwed it up. It's what they do best. They shouldn't have been trusted with this, their thing was too fragile.

But after the fallout, well, they didn't necessarily fall out. They were partners first, and friends too.

And then an undercover kiss. And more unresolved sexual tension.

And then some resolved sexual tension.

And then a mutual agreement that they were not partners with benefits.

Then they obliviated that agreement.

Then, he shows up at her place at midnight. No explanation. No  
>words. Nothing. She just knew to get in the car.<p>

When they were dating, the beach was their safe place. The water had healing powers for him, and when he felt at peace, so did she. In the middle of the night, they'd find themselves alone there. Some of their most intimate moments happened on this shore, toes in this sand, fingertips on skin. They'd talk and they'd kiss and they'd feel most at ease.

This place haunts him now.

Even though they had a fallout, he just wants her here with him right now.

Just because they did burn in tragedy, he can't stop thinking about her.

He doesn't have to say anything when they get there, she knows. She's felt that same pain he has. But she's been more hopeful, because she knew something like this would inevitably happen. And here it was.

He collapsed in the sand, but gracefully. He kicked his flip flops off and pulled his knees to his chest, and waited for her to follow suit.

But she never did. She wrapped her arms around his neck, standing above him, and squeezed tightly.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he said softly.

"I know," she whispered into his ear, resting her head on his  
>shoulder.<p>

"It's only been like a month," he said, shaking his head.

"Mhhm," she mumbled back.

"Are you not feeling the same way?" he asked nervously. Goodness, she was intoxicating him and he knew he couldn't have her and it was overwhelming.

"What about that girl you were talking about?" she mentioned.

"I made her up. Didn't want Sam and Callen thinking I was dateless." he laughed softly.

"Deeks," she whispered.

"Kens."

She twisted her head, planting a kiss on his lips, letting his stubble scratch her face and his fingers trace her cheek.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too," he said, feeling that rush through him like a bullet.

She moved around to and sat to sit between his legs and lean her back against his chest. His white tee and messy hair was so familiar yet so wild, and she just wanted to bask in it all.

"What are we doing?" he asked.

"Are we getting back together?" she asked.

"All I know is that I love you, and not being with you sucks."

"We broke up for reasons."

"Dumb reasons."

"Are they worth it?"

"No way in hell."

"Then I'd say we're back together."

"But what if we fall out again?"

"I guess it doesn't matter. We never go out of style."

He chuckled, pulling her back into him and kissing her again.


	4. Track 4

Track 4 (Out of the Woods)

* * *

><p>Kensi was on her partner's couch, with her hand on his thigh, giggling.<p>

Giggling. She was giggling.

They'd only been in this 'I'm actually your girlfriend, you're actually my boyfriend' relationship for about 3 months. But it had seemed so much longer with the way they'd been acting beforehand.

She loved the official part, it had less questions. Could he kiss her? Of course he could. Whenever he wanted, however often he wanted. Would that screw up their thing? No! Could she invite him to dinner at her mom's? Of course, he'd love to go. Before they'd have kept their desires quiet, hoping the other wouldn't get scared and run off. But it was all so different now.

She could relax around him enough to giggle. He'd kiss her senseless, until they couldn't breath and they were lost in a  
>cloud of delirious giggling. Monty would laugh at them and they'd giggle more and more. It wasn't who they were 3 months ago. It wasn't who they thought they'd ever get to be.<p>

And even though she's giggling and her hand in halfway up his leg, that pang of worry sinks in, and the giggling stops and her hand pulls back to her side.

He feels the heat disappear from his leg and it doesn't register until he hears the silence.

"Kens?" he shifts to make eye contact with her. But she's already staring off into the distance.

Sometimes she gets so angry with herself for letting her guard down.

She's angry and she's scared and she's disappointed in herself. but at the same time she's conflicted and happy and in love with the man who just said her name in  
>the prettiest way she's probably ever heard it said. Saying she's conflicted would be an understatement.<p>

She doesn't know which emotion to talk to him with, and she can't pick the predominant one out. All she feels is a burning salty tear slide down her cheek and it makes her more angry.

Suddenly, he grabs her shoulders and waist and pulls her back to him, resting her head on his shoulder and her back in  
>his chest.<p>

"Kensi," he says again. His voice is clear and crisp and husky, and it makes her cry harder.

It gets worse as her anger increases. She wants to stop crying. She wants to stop crying in front of him because this is not her. This is not who she is. And she doesn't want it to be who she's become.

But she trusts him. And she trusts that he's got her and that she's not going to be seen as less in his eyes, but only her own.

He's rocking her back and forth as she finally grabs enough control of her voice to ask, "Are we in the clear yet, Deeks?"

He continued rocking her, because he knew what she was asking, and he didn't have a good answer.

The truth was that they'd never be out of the woods or in the clear. Hetty could send him back to LAPD or she could get shot and die or so many other endless possibilities. He knew that she knew that.

He wasn't going anywhere. He could hold her for the rest of his life and his time would be well worth it. Hearing her laugh or watching her smile or basically anything she did mesmerized him. It hadn't occurred to him that maybe she didn't know that.

"We'll never be safe from bullets or assignments Kens, as long as we hold these jobs. There are no guarantees in law enforcement. But I can guarantee you that you are mine," he said, grasping his fingers around hers," and we can last forever. I'll pretty much do anything to prove that to you. Whether we're at work or at home or in the field, I'm committed to this. Our thing is in the clear. The only thing insecure is our occupation."

She knew it all along. She just didn't know if she knew it.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to regain usage if one of her hands to wipe her face off.

His grip on her fingers tightened. "Don't be sorry about sharing your fears with me."

"Well, then I'm sorry about the tears."

"Don't be sorry about those either. Ever."

"Can you stop being a hopeless romantic?" she asked, sniffling and squirming around in his grasp, crossing their tangled arms around her chest. "I just went from fine to bawling like a hormonal pregnant woman in like 2 minutes flat."

"I just want you to know that this is all okay. Feelings are okay. And crying is okay. And giggling and laughing and touching and smiling. All of that is okay. Right here, our thing is safe."

"On your couch?"

"I was going for in our arms."

"In our arms, on your couch. "

"And with my dog."

She rolled her eyes. A stray leftover last tear slid down with her giggle.

"I love you so much."

"You realize that's the first time you've said that to me, right?"

"Mmhm."

They toppled backwards on the couch, giggling and kissing again.

Monty jumped up in the middle and started licking them, and the laughter was more uncontrollable.

"I love you too, Kensi."


	5. Track 5

A/n: So this one's a little strange. I don't even wanna venture into the possibilities of this one, realistic or not, whatever it is. It is what it is, and I hope you like!

* * *

><p>Track 5 (All You Had To Do Was Stay)<p>

* * *

><p>The butterflies were sloshing around in her stomach, pounding against her ribcage, and making her almost nauseous. She took deep breaths in and out.<p>

_No. You're doing this, Kensi Blye. You've wasted so much time already. Knock. They're waiting on you._

And she knocked on the door.

He opened the door quite promptly, offering her a sweet smile.

"I'd step back to let you in, but I can't really pick my feet up at the moment," he chuckled. Her eyes drifted down to his shoes, where she saw the tiny little hands, followed by the golden curls and brown eyes she'd seen in the pictures. Her little face lit up as she smiled and reached for Kensi squealing "Mom!"

Quickly, Deeks bent down and picked her up, shushing her and pulling her toward his chest. "Sorry," he said cautiously, "we've been practicing that one."

She smiled and came into his place, and she took notice of all the little toys and clothes that littered his floor. "Sorry it's a mess. Every time I'd put something away, she'd get it right back out again."

Nodding, she sat down on his couch, watching the little girl crawl over to a stack of blocks and knock them over, then back over to where Deeks had sat down. She pulled herself up and stared at him. The look on his face was priceless; the grin he gave her full of love and adoration.

_How'd she miss all of this?_

This wasn't how this was going to be. From the day she found out she was pregnant, they planned for this. They were ready. They'd even decided on names, names for both boys and girls. She was so glad this was happening for them. She was having a baby with Deeks. Really. All those mutant ninja assassin jokes, and yet there they were. Come on, none of those were jokes.

The little girl Kensi couldn't take her eyes off of was not a mutant ninja assassin. No way in hell.

But seriously. They were really ready. She continually joked about how their 'insanely amazing sex was not worth this pain' while in labor. She tried to bribe the nurse to let her have a Twinkie halfway through, and Deeks just kept shoving ice chips into her mouth gingerly. The nurses were cracking up and Deeks was only a partial mess. Kensi made it through labor just fine.

They were ready for all of that.

But there were the emotional factors that you just can't plan for.

No one really knows what triggered it. It was a sudden demeanor shift. It went from the plan to anything but in the blink of an eye. She had a huge panic attack. Really, it was probably caused by several things. The stress of their jobs, having gone through labor, pregnancy hormones, being responsible for a little human, the torture in Afghanistan, the feelings she still hadn't processed about her Dad, being homeless at 15, everything. Like everything fell on her at once. And she couldn't let that happen to her daughter.

It was as if someone flipped a switch in her brain, from 'you've planned for this' to 'you can't do this'.

He tried to help. He tried everything, but he really almost made it worse. As much as he wanted to help her, he couldn't.

But Nate could.

She had a lot to process. She had a lot to go through. She moved out of his place and into her Mom's. Lots of counseling with Nate. Lots of doctors' appointments and lots to process and think about.

They had a long talk. He told her he'd stand by her through whatever she needed to do to get better. If he needed to step back and take their daughter for a while, then that's what he'd do. He still loved her. He loved their daughter, who was only days old at the time. Everything was hard. He didn't know how to parent either. But damn it, he was going to learn. Kensi trusted him throughout all of this and Julie (the name Julie came from Julia, Kensi's Mom) depended on him.

It was hard all of the time. _Why was this happening now? Why was he raising their daughter alone? None of this was fair._

But he'd get these calls from Nate. They'd never be specific. They'd be "She had a good day today Deeks. Asked about you, asked about Julie.

Nate eventually had Deeks send him pictures of Julie. She had lunch with him many times.

And tonight, she came over to see Julie.

And she was okay. Besides her nerves, the things that had haunted her before didn't exist.

She'd wasted about seven months. She knew it wasn't wasted—she came to terms with a lot of things she was struggling with. But it wasn't okay that her timing was the first year of her daughter's life, this precious time with Deeks. And she knew that even though it involved her getting better, she really hurt him. She left. And she left him with her baby.

She was ready and willing to come back and be there after all she missed, but only if he'd take her. But how did she ask for that? She and Nate had been over this.

She'd been lost in her thoughts, and hadn't even noticed Deeks get up, make a bottle, and come back.

"Would you like to feed her?" he asked, extending the bottle toward Kensi.

"I'd like that," she smiled. Deeks brought Julie over and set her on Kensi's lap.

And everything went right. Julie was content and Kensi's heart melted with all the built up love she'd had for this kid. Deeks draped an arm around her and things finally felt right again.

It was once Julie's bottle was gone and she was fast asleep in Kensi's arms when it happened. She was twisting a finger through one of her daughter's curls when she said it.

"I love this Deeks. Her, you, this. It's only been a few hours, but I love it. I know I messed things up for us. I wish there was something I could do to make this all up to you."

"Kens, we talked about this. You had to get help. You needed to work through it. I can tell already how much more at ease you are. I can feel it, tension, it's just gone. Can you feel that? That's amazing. You worked hard. But there's one thing you can do for me, when you're ready."

She nodded for him to continue.

"All you have to do is stay. We need you here. You see how eager she was? She won't say dad, dada, no. Mom. Not momma, no. Mom. And me? Having lunch with you isn't quite the same. I went from seeing you every day and loving you and loving on you to seeing you once a week and talking to you on the phone and I really miss doing this," he said, leaning over and kissing her strongly, but carefully enough not to startle her, which would in effect wake the baby. "And if you aren't ready yet, that's okay. But she needs you in her life. I need you in my life. There is no possible you replacement in this world. It's only you."

"I'm ready. I want this. I want it all now. I can't believe how bad I need this."

He squeezed her waist tightly. "In that case, super mom, you're on diaper duty. You've got a lot of shifts to catch up on."


	6. Track 6

Track 6 (Shake It Off)

* * *

><p>"Damn it!" she whispered, but in an angry shouting sort of way. She'd been beating the tar out of the punching bag in front of her, but her mind was so far elsewhere that she swung and missed completely. She was shocked when there was no impact, causing her to curse again.<p>

She was ridiculously angry.

_"You two look tired. Shaggy provide a little too much puppy love last night?"_

She punched the bag again.

_"Or did the mutt bark all night?"_

She growled, and it turned into a scream. Then, her partner's voice filled the gym.

"Kens."

She didn't reply. She just kept assaulting the bag.

"Kensi."

She tried to continue ignoring him, but she couldn't this time. Her eyes locked his, and she couldn't hold in a reaction.

"I'm so pissed I can't contain it," she said, breathing heavily. Sweat poured off of her like rain.

"I know," he replied.

"Why aren't you pissed?" she asked, growling.

"I am," he replied, "I'm just not taking it out on exercise equipment."

She scowled, taking off her gloves, but with a force that only his Badass Blye had.

"They're teasing, Kens. It's Sam and Callen. They don't mean anything by it."

"I know they're teasing. But that doesn't make their jokes this morning okay."

"We were aware this was a possibility when we got into it."

"But we've done nothing wrong! No PDA at work, heck we haven't even hinted at our relationship, let alone sex lives!"

"Before the punching rampage, you looked fantastic this morning. Not that you don't always look fantastic, but you know what I mean. I know Iooked extremely happy after last night. We both do look exhausted though. I'm sure it wasn't hard to put two and two together about us sleeping together. "

"Who's side are you on, Deeks?"

"I'm on our side. They were out of line."

"They called you a mutt."

"They implied that we made puppy love."

"Your point is?" she exasperated.

"My point is that we can't get down about this kind of crap. I know I love you and I'm pretty sure you love me, and that's all I need. We've just got to shake it off."

She'd calmed down quite substantially.

"I love you too. Have I not said that? I need you to know that."

He smiled. "See? Shaking it off already. It's gonna be alright, Kens. "

She rolled her eyes. "You just need a haircut."

"You don't want me to get a haircut."

"You're right. Cut that hair and I'll kill you myself," she said, running her fingers through his locks.

"That's my girl, " he said leaning in to kiss her, but backing away.

"Come back for that kiss after you've showered," he

"Don't press your luck, pretty boy," she laughed.

As she walked into the locker room, he smiled. They may have been pretty mad this morning, but he was glad that he'd gotten her to smile again.


	7. Track 7

So I decided to extend track 5, so here you go! (Also, promiseyoullbepatientwithme on Tumblr wrote a little thing on it too, and it was SPECTACULAR)

* * *

><p>Track 7 (I Wish You Would)<p>

* * *

><p>A subtle cry emitted from the next room over. Immediately, Kensi sat up straight, without waiting to see if the crying continued.<p>

She was up and out of bed before Deeks realized what she'd done.

He pulled the cover off of himself, sitting up to follow her.

She was already in Julie's room, changing her diaper. He stood in the doorway, watching. Kensi  
>was humming, though he couldn't quite tell what song it was. But she was definitely far too awake and chipper for 1:58 AM.<p>

She turned and picked Julie up, sitting down in the rocking chair. She popped her feet up on the table in front of her, and noticed Deeks.

_She kept doing this_.

It had been two months since she moved back in with them. Deeks would argue it had been the best two months of his life, except for maybe this one little problem.

_She kept doing this_.

Everytime the baby would make a little tiny sound, she would be up and ready to change her, feed her, rock her, anything. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. But Deeks learned quickly, being the single father that he was, that the way to get the maximum amount of sleep was to make sure that Julie was  
>seriously going to cry before he got up. If he got up every time he heard a stir on the baby monitor, he'd never get any rest.<p>

The other thing that was bothering him was that she always woke up before him. As in, the moment she heard a sound, she sat up straight and made a beeline for Julie. Every night. He hadn't gotten up with her in the night once. For two whole months.

That he had a problem with.

Kens was excellent with Julie, once her nerves wore off, she fully stepped into her role as 'mother' and 'wife' and after just a week or two, everything was domestic and normal. She was making his grocery lists and doing his laudry and he was making her coffee in the mornings and cooking her breakfast. It was as if all that time never passed. Except for at night.

Mondays were normal. Julia came over for dinner on Tuesdays. Wednesday and Thursday were also normal, and Nell watched Julie on Fridays so that they could have a night to themselves. Not only was she good with Julie, Kensi was pretty good with Deeks, too.

And although their days were just fine, so were nights. They'd put Julie down, watch a movie, cuddle, who knows what, check on her, then go to bed.

But then every night she'd be the one to get up at 1:58 or 2:30 or who knows what odd hour for nightime baby duties.

He hated that. He hated that she was just wide awake and she never seemed tired.

He remembered all those days when he'd go to work exhausted during her 2nd or 3rd month, where she'd just cried all night, probably looking for Kensi. He cried those night too.

He remembered how hard he'd cried. He remembered how much  
>he missed her.<p>

He remembered how much Julie reminded him of her.

And every night she got up, he felt a little more of that pain fall on her.

But she never acted like it weighted on her. But he knew it had to.

Tonight, he followed her.

"Deeks, go back to bed. I got her. Get your rest."

"I'm more concerned about you getting yours."

"You're the one getting up and going to work in the morning."

"Is that what this is about?"

"What is what about?"

"Kens, when I said you had a lot of diaper duties to catch up on, I was kidding."

"I know. But its not wrong. I've missed a lot. I know that. I'm just trying to soak up as much of this as I can, you know? And give you a break."

"You don't need to do that, though."

"Shh... She's almost asleep."

A few minutes later, Julie's eyes shut, and Kensi put her back down in her crib. Before she could get away, Deeks grabbed her by her wrist and led her to the  
>couch.<p>

He grabbed her and pulled her onto the couch with him, and although she was ready to go back to bed, she didn't resist. He wrapped his arms around her and learned back against the arm of the couch and stretching his legs out, while she rested on his lap.

He rested his head on her shoulder.

"What's going on in your head? " he asked.

"My head is all better now."

"I don't doubt that. But do you wanna know what I think?" he asked.

She nodded.

"I think that you're still trying to make up for the last seven months. You can't hide that from me Kens. I know."

"I just want to make it up to you. "

"But there's nothing for you to make up to me."

"But…"

"No buts. That time is our past, and its already been written. No matter how many times you try to rewrite it, it isn't going to change. You don't need to feel like you have to make up for it all. We can take turns. You can wake me up to go change her. That's okay."

She didn't say anything back, so he tightened his grip on her. "I wish you would feel comfortable enough here now to believe that. I wish that you'd feel comfortable enough here that you don't have to do this when you're with me."

She closed her eyes. "Okay."

He leaned down and pressed a kiss into her temple. That one short kiss turned into another- and another. And he started talking, "Cause we're in this together. And I love you. And you still can't use touche, and you still eat like a little pig, and I still love you, fern - baby-girl."

With every joke there was another kiss, and she felt herself believe him. That even if she still didn't think she'd made up for all she'd missed, he made her believe that she didn't need to.

His kisses were tickling her jaw, and that mixed with the fact that he already had her giggling, is why she finally said, "I believe that you don't expect that of me. And I'm sorry that I thought you would. Because I know you don't."

"We're getting closer, Kens. Closer to where we left off. And even if we don't get there, that's okay. We'll probably surpass where we were anyway."

She smiled, then tilted her head toward the bedroom. Deeks took the hint, saying "Your wish is my command, Fern."

"Stop that," she said, pointing at him. They were still laughing from before, but 'Fern' made it worse.

They'd just gotten back to bed, and Kensi had buried herself into Deeks' side. Right as they started to drift back to sleep, a distinct sharp cry disrupted the peace.

Kensi smiled and whisprered, "Hey, Deeks?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"You wanna take this one?"

Did he want to? No, he had Kensi snuggled into him and his spot in bed was warm. But he'd been longing for her to say those little words, so he was more than happy to oblige.


	8. Track 8

I was stuck on this one. It could be really simple to write random Afghanistan crap. OR I could do this. I did this.

In true Taylor Swift fashion, I found myself over the past few days obsessing over romantic things that come with nice houses and random charming things like that. Ik that's more like 2010 Taylor, but that's kind of where I am mind wise. And that's where this fic came from.

So, I give you this. Warning on the marriage banter. Nothing graphic happens but it would have scarred a 12 year old me. Good that we're passed that stage :)

* * *

><p>Track 8 (Bad Blood)<p>

* * *

><p><em>Kensi Marie Deeks, tonight is going to be the best night of our lives.<em>

Ha, if only he knew.

Thursdays were their date nights. Fridays were full of bad reality TV and movies and beer. (Well, there used to be beer). But Thursdays, Thursdays they doll themselves up and go out. They've done it since long before the wedding, and it seemed so fitting that they keep up their traditions.

This particular Thursday however, wasn't just any Thursday. It was their first wedding anniversary, and they'd just got settled into their new house. It was a _nice _house. Maybe not Justin and Melissa nice, but nice. It had a long staircase and a big living room and a pretty kitchen with a crystal chandelier. It had four bedrooms.

Yep, four. And currently, they only had a need for the one.

Which scared the hell out of her, yet relaxed her at the same time.

She may have married him, but that didn't mean she understood his take on kids. She thought about their talks- sometimes he was all, "Yes kids love that," and the other times he was like, "No this world is not a good place to bring tiny humans into."

Like, what did that even mean?

So when they bought a four bedroom castle (okay, it wasn't that glamorous, but here with him she felt like a princess, and it freaked her out a little bit), she figured that kids were definitely on the table.

They said they were all in, right?

So his little note on the side of her Starbucks this morning really had her tingling.

She's had a rough week. Hetty and Granger have kept her on her toes. She knows Hetty already knows, because well, Hetty's a little omnipresent ninja. But she's afraid of what's going to happen with Granger. And she knows there's been some bad blood between those three since Afghanistan. When he finds out, what are they going to do with her? Send her away? Fire her? Force her to become Nell? What?

She wants to know and get it over with. But there's no way she's telling her boss about this before she tells her husband.

Because for the past six days, she's been keeping it a secret that there's a little half-her-half-him growing. She's pregnant. It happened. Finally, in her opinion. But she doesn't know how anyone else is going to feel about it. Whether he wants to have kids or not, he'll be happy for them and she knows it. But the potential Hetty disaster on her hands is going to drive her mad.

As she sips her hot chocolate (subtly cutting the caffeine has killed her), she catches herself start to place her hand on her stomach, which is still mostly flat and offers no bump to hint to her coworkers that she's expecting. A few moments later, her phone buzzes, and she fears that someone caught her and that she's now got some explaining to do.

She looks up and sees her husband glaring subtly over his laptop. She looks at her phone to see his text.

"Gonna talk it out with Hetty today?"

So he's been aware of her problems with Hetty. Afghanistan was a deep cut. She's not blocking him out anymore. He knows she's been agitated this week. _Just not why._

"Don't plan on it…" she replied. When he got the text, he put his phone down and made direct eye contact with her and gave her a disappointing frown.

"Marital problems again?" Callen asked, poking fun at their staring.

"Relax G, it's their anniversary," Sam said, sticking out his bottom lip and using a mocking whining tone.

The teasing wasn't going to phase her today. Not today.

"Mrs. Deeks, in my office," Hetty loudly proclaimed. She'd entered the room discreetly during the teasing.

Kensi's eyes got wide, but his eyes weren't apologetic.

Crap, she really didn't want to tell Hetty about her pregnancy before her own husband.

She reluctantly did as she was told, and she headed for Hetty's office.

Hetty was seated, and she signaled for Kensi to sit as well.

"What is this about Hetty?" Kensi asked quickly. She wasn't up for games. She was nauseous enough already without the added fear that came with being in the 'principal's office' as her husband so fondly called it.

"Changes, Mrs. Deeks," Hetty said. It was still just a little weird for Hetty to say after all those years of "Miss Blye."

Changes didn't sound good, and it made Kensi even more nervous. "What kind of changes?" she asked, chewing on her lip.

"All of them, my dear. The house, how are you settling in?"

"Um, it's great. We finished unpacking over the weekend, and we really love it."

"That's great! And being married, for a whole year? That's a pretty big change. How do you feel?"

_Where the hell was this going? _Kensi didn't get it. "I feel good," _and I'd like to keep it that way, _she thought. "I mean, it's really good. No problems. We're perfect. We're bold."

"That's fantastic. Changes can be both good and bad, and sometimes we must keep an eye on our friends as things change," Hetty said.

"But I'm good, Hetty. Everything I have right now, I can't ask for anything more. And around here, I don't want things to change. Not here. Not again."

Hetty shook her head. "I'm sorry, but it just can't work like that." She grabbed a manila envelope from one of her drawers and handed it over to Kensi. "Your new assignment."

Kensi's heart palpitated in her chest. _No. I thought that maybe, she could be trusted._

"But Hetty, I…"

"No buts, Mrs. Deeks," she said, motioning for Kensi to leave her office.

Angrily, she stood, gripping tightly to her _new assignment_ and went to leave. She was almost gone when she heard Hetty stop her with an "Oh, and…". She turned around and looked at her boss.

"Congratulations Kensi."

_What? _She took a few steps away from Hetty's sight and opened the envelope. She dumped out its contents. Inside, there was a card, a $100 Babies "R" Us gift card, and her new assignment.

She read the card, which was very simply congratulating the both of them. But the note at the bottom read, "Did you really think I'd let you continue working in the field?"

Her new assignment was just an official order that she only perform desk work. Effective immediately. It could have been worse. At least she's still in America and she still has a job.

She put the contents of the envelope back, and rejoined her team.

Deeks looked up once again from his laptop as she entered. "You good?" he asked.

"All good, partner," she added with a smile.

* * *

><p>Shit.<p>

Tonight is the night. She's telling him tonight.

The weight of that hits her as she steps out of the shower, towel wrapped around her. She sinks her feet into the bath mat and takes a deep breath. She's telling him that they're having their first child together. She's telling him. For real.

She shakes her head, dries herself off, and ties the towel around herself. She blow dries her hair and gets her curling iron out, making big wide curls flow down from her head. When she finishes, she moves on to her make-up, which she keeps pretty light. Little foundation, a little eye shadow, blush and lipstick, and she's done. Boom. Going well so far. She popped in her favorite earrings, the ones he gave her for her birthday, slipped her wedding ring back on, and also the necklace that had once been her mom's.

She dropped her towel to slip into her clothes. She reached for her dress. It was pretty new- she'd bought it a month ago. It was a lacy elegant and sparkling navy blue dress that flowed to the floor. Appropriate for 'winter', or whatever season they had during December in LA.

When she pulled it on, she felt it immediately. _Was this dress this tight when I bought it? _She's not that pregnant yet. No bump yet, remember?

But no. It's tight across her butt and her chest and there's no way she's going to get that thing zipped. Stupid pregnancy. She struggled, trying to turn and yank at the zipper. She got it up to the middle of her back. At least now if she asks for help, at least she's partially covered back there. _Like that matters anyway._

She caved. So goes the whole 'walking out of the bedroom and blowing his mind' thing she liked to do.

"Deeks?" she shouted.

"Yeah, babe?" he replied.

"Can you help me with the zipper of my dress?"

"Yep, just a second," he called.

A moment later, he came into the room, equally as dolled up as she was. They were taking this anniversary dinner thing way too seriously, but she didn't mind.

She turned her back to him, and he tugged on the zipper, gingerly at first. He quickly realized that gingerly wasn't going to work, and he yanked harder.

Yeah no, this dress was not going to zip.

"Um, I don't think I can get it either Kens," he said.

Shit.

No really, she said shit.

"Didn't you like, just buy this too? I may have to start monitoring your Twinkie intake again," he joked. She lightly slugged him in the arm, turning to face him.

The comment on her weight didn't really bother her. She probably was gaining weight and she knew that he was kidding, but she still felt the need to defend herself.

"It's too tight here, Deeks," she said, motioning toward her chest.

"And there too," he added, motioning toward her ass.

"Hey, watch it," she said, slugging him in the arm again. Still wasn't really bothering her, but he wasn't playing very nice. "It's got nothing to do with my Twinkie intake."

"I know," he said softly, but strongly.

"No, I really don't think you do," she said, rummaging through her closet, looking for a dress that might not be quite as tight.

"No, I know," he said confidently, nodding a few times. She threw a few dresses onto their bed that she thought might fit, and closed the closet door.

"You don't, Deeks," she said, "you don't."

He smiled and tilted his head the side, as if he was daring her.

Well, considering she may not find a dress to wear to dinner that will fit around her now apparently huge ass and boobs, she figured now was as good a time as any.

"I'm pregnant, Deeks."

"Yeah, I know," he nodded.

_What the hell?_

"You know?"

"Mmhmm," he nodded, grabbing her hand and kissing it. She stood in disbelief, with her jaw dragging the floor. Since she didn't reply, he continued. "You don't think I know your body, Kens? Come on, you don't just puff up all randomly. You look absolutely stunning, if I wasn't your husband, I wouldn't know. Except for the glow. Yeah there's nothing you can do about that, but you're just slightly brighter than the Christmas tree, and it's a total turn on."

She totally knew he was bluffing. Maybe not about the glow thing, but he was totally making that crap up about knowing her body. Or was he?

"Okay, so how did you actually figure it out?" she asked.

"Found the pregnancy test wrapper in the trash. Figured it came back negative considering you didn't bring it up for like, three days. Then yesterday morning, I dropped my toothbrush on the floor, so I went to get a new one from the drawer, and I found the test. So you know, test plus glow plus huge boobs equaled you must be pregnant."

Yeah, so she saved her pregnancy test. It was kind of a huge deal, you know?

"You stop that," she said, pointing at him. That joke was going to get old quickly.

"Hey, I'm not complaining," he smirked, throwing his hands up.

She decided to punish him by grabbing her other dresses and slipping into the bathroom to try them on. The first two were just as bad as the first, and so she crossed her fingers as she tried the third. And miraculously, it was just loose enough that tonight, it fit perfectly. It wasn't the navy blue lacy one that she'd wanted, but she'd settle for the red if it would at least zip up.

She still got that mind blown expression from him when she left the bathroom. He was sitting on their bed, and his smile made her melt.

She hung the dresses that were now pretty useless back up in the closet, and he motioned for her to sit down on the bed next to him. She did, and he wrapped his arm around her and drew her in. He kissed the top of her head softly. She closed her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You and me partner," he said quietly.

"And a mutant ninja assassin."

"And our mutant ninja assassin," he said, glancing toward her belly.

"You're okay with this, right?" she asked, tentatively.

"Kens, we didn't buy a four bedroom house so that you could get a feature article in Hoarders Monthly,"

"Is that even a real magazine?" she asked intently.

"Doubt it," he replied.

"I'm not a hoarder," she said defiantly. That always drove her mad.

"That's why we have to have kids."

"Seriously, Deeks," she said, trying not to let the tear trying to form fall.

"Seriously? I'm in love with you and I want to start a family with you. As for timing, that's something that just happens, you know? It was bound to happen eventually. Now is as good a time as any. In my opinion, we're as ready as we've ever been. We've got plenty of room," he smiled, rubbing small circles into her back.

She smiled and nodded. "Happy anniversary, Deeks."

"Happy anniversary to you," he said, kissing her. "But we better get going," he said, glancing at his watch.

As they turned off the lights and locked the door, he said, "You know it's a shame we can't drink wine on our anniversary."

She was _so _going to hurt him later. When she didn't reply, he decided to add, "That's okay, I get your pregnancy boobs."

She quickly grabbed a hold of his fluffy hair and twisted tightly, pulling his head downward. He was yelping, although she knew it was fake. "You're going to get pregnancy anger here in a minute."

"I'll stop, I'll stop!" he wailed. She stuck her tongue out at him and then they both laughed. He pulled her into his side as they walked from the door to the car.

_Yeah, they were totally ready for this._


	9. Track 9

Track 9 (Wildest Dreams)

* * *

><p><em>Dear Lord, please let me sleep.<em>

Yeah no, she was definitely not sleeping.

She moaned, rolling over in bed to face her husband. She settled into her pillow, and just stared at him.

She hadn't been able to sleep for a few days now. Not after the dream she'd had. Her dream didn't even get to qualify as a dream- it was her worst freaking nightmare.

They knew with their jobs that every day was a risk, and that there was a chance one of them might not make it home. They try to live that way now, not holding back the 'I love you's and apologizing at the end of every fight. They don't leave to many doors open for one of them to die with their love story midsentence.

But death is a very real possibility. One that even if they're aware of, they obviously don't like to talk about.

And it really sucks. And they really need to talk about it.

Its only three am. No harm in waking him up now, right?

She pressed her cold toes onto his shin, and his nose twitched. She wiggled her feet around until an eye popped open.

"Do you need something, because I thought the days of us playing footsie in bed were over?" he asked.

"Well, they are," she said quietly.

"Then whatcha doing there, Fern?" he asked, capturing her foot between his legs.

"Waking you up," she replied.

"No need, babe. Been awake all night. You're not sleeping," he said, all humor vanishing from his voice.

_How was he so damn perfect?_

He reached out for her, pulling her into his side. He wrapped his arms around her middle, holding her tightly against his chest.

"What's been bothering you, Kens?"

"What will you remember about me when I die?"

"When you die?"

"Yeah. When I die."

He knows where this is going. They have very similar fears, and losing her is one of his biggest. But they really do have to face this one. Maybe she's on to something. Maybe talking about how they'd remember one another if it happens will make it less scary. _No, it'll never be less scary. But they might be able to calm their nerves enough to sleep._

"I'll remember your laugh. Your smile. Everything," he said, snaking his hands into hers. "I'll remember our jokes, those damn raccoons, the box, three hearts. I'll remember the room full of lasers. I'll remember the way you whisper my name when you're turned on. I'll remember Mammoth Mountain, I'll remember our wedding day. I'll remember our first Christmas. I'll remember that kiss after our first fight. I'll remember what you look like right after you've stepped out of the shower and your hair is still wet. I'll remember this, I'll remember how much I love you. Dammit Kens, there's not a thing I could afford to forget."

She closed her eyes, holding tightly to every word.

He could never possibly be done, so he kind of just shut up to give her a chance to say something.

"I'll remember that you used to be a stripper," she said, and then stopped.

He paused, expecting her to continue, but she didn't.

"Really? I go through all of that and all you're going to remember is that I used to be a stripper?"

She laughed, "No, Deeks. I'm just not very good with words."

Usually, she could get away with that excuse for not telling how she really felt. She was good at masking it, good at not telling him how deep her affections for him are. He's generally content just knowing that she's his, but tonight, in this situation, that's not going to cut it.

"Can you try?" he asked quietly, and vulnerably. This wasn't something he'd normally say. _But he has needs, too, Kensi. As his wife, you need to take care of those._

"Gosh Deeks," she said softly. "I'll remember it all. I'll remember when you rescued me from Afghanistan. I'll remember the kiss on the hill, the real one when we were ice skating." She squeezed his hand tightly, feeling herself tense up. "I'll remember how scared I was when you were tortured. I'll remember how hard I cried the last time you got shot." She worked her fingers around his wrists and up his arms. _He's alive. He's okay. He's got you. Keep going._

"I'll remember that you make me feel loved, you made me feel truly loved for the first time. I'll remember how alive I feel when I'm with you."

She wanted to keep going now. How could she stop? She had to tell him everything. Everything he meant to her. Before it was too late.

But he rolled her around to face him. She couldn't breathe now. As he rolled her over, she could see that his eyes were also teary.

"And I'll remember…" she began again.

His finger pressed to her lips, and he sniffled before whispering a quiet "Shhhhh."

Their eyes were locked together. There was something so incredibly important about this moment between them. They clung to it.

"You promised you wouldn't get yourself killed," she cried, breaking eye contact and burying her face into his chest. He felt a tear stream down his face and he tucked her head under his chin and held her there.

"I know I did, Kens. I know."

It's just, they can't control this. And if they can't control it, what can they do?

They can just live. They can live, madly in love with one another, for as long as they can. And that's all they can do.

He tilts her head up, and through a mess of their tears, he kisses her passionately. With every ounce of meaning he holds, he shows her that she's still alive. Neither of them are dead yet, and for the time being, they've got to put that to rest.

She feels his scruff scratch against her skin and it stings and burns and she_ loves _it. And that pain proves that while they're both here, she's just got to soak up every ounce of him that she can.

Probably, they'll see tomorrow's sunrise. They'll probably grow old together. They'll probably have three kids and teach them how to dream. They'll probably have 50 wedding anniversaries and have hundreds of birthdays between the two of them. There's a very tiny (but very real) chance that they won't. And they may have more of these moments.

But they're both alive. They're a newlywed couple of love birds who are still getting into the swing of things. But clearly, they're in love. So with that, she's content enough to kiss him back, pepper kisses down to his chest, then settle there for the rest of the night.

Maybe in his arms, it'll be easier to sleep.


	10. Track 10

Track 10 (How You Get The Girl)

* * *

><p>She held the frame tightly against her chest. She pulled it away, tracing her fingers around the outside edge. She loved it.<p>

"Hey, you weren't supposed to open that without me," Deeks said, stepping back in the living room from taking Monty out. They'd decided to wait until they got home from Mammoth to mess with presents and those Christmassy things, and now here they were.

"Sorry, impatient," she replied. She turned the frame around to him, with the picture of them in the gym after playing basketball. It was blown up, cutting out the other team members. Not that they didn't love their team members, but...

She loved that picture. His arm was draped around her and they were smiling, and it was so uniquely them-before they were even them yet. And she sincerely loved it.

"I love this," she said.

"That is literally the worst gift I could have came up with," he said shaking his head.

"But it's not at all insignificant," she said, defending her gift. She sincerely loved it.

"It's a safe gift," he added quietly.

"I really don't care, Deeks. This is perfect. I don't really require fancy things, you know. This kind of thing, that's what means the most to me."

She reached under the tree and grabbed the wrapped box she'd placed there for him. She turned and tossed it at him.

"This isn't a safe gift," she added.

"Neither is this," he replied, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a tiny wrapped box and tossing it to her.

"Deeks..." she said, tentatively. "This is too much."

"No way that its too much," he rebuked.

"Well, open yours first," she said,  
>pointing to the box in his hand.<p>

He slowly tore into the wrapping paper, neatly, and slipped out the box.

"Am I actually supposed to open this box or...?" he asked.

"You were supposed to open the last box."

"Touché," he added. Hesitantly, he looked around for something to slice the box open with. He looked up, to see her holding out  
>her knife out to him.<p>

He grinned up at her from his spot on the couch, taking her knife and slitting open the box.

He popped open the flaps, and he looked inside.

"No. You did not," he said.

"Yes I did," she smiled.

"Kensi," he said, picking it up and flipping it over in his hands.

It was a knife, one that looked just like hers, with a slightly darker wood.

"This is, this is spectacular."

"I know," she smiled.

He leaned over and cupped her chin, pressing his lips against her.

"I've never had my own fancy knife before. It was nice having yours," he said.

"Well, you can't have mine. But this is just about as close as you can get."

"And I love it," he smirked.

"You've really got to stop that," she laughed.

"Nah," he said, pointing to her little box. "Go, from Santa."

Hesitantly, she opened the box. Knowing the picture probably didn't put him out too much money, she didn't feel too bad getting two gifts.

But jewelry was insanely expensive.

Or insanely cheap.

"Marty Deeks!" she shouted, rolling her eyes and picking up the raccoon earnings from the box. Where'd he buy these at, Claire's?

It was hilarious, actually. Of course, it was a gag. Duh.

Except it wasn't. She'd started to get up to tackle him and get started with pretty much everything they'd done in Mammoth (again), she saw that underneath the raccoon, there was her actual present. A set of crystal earrings, three hearts interlocked together.

So many metaphors.

"They were on sale, Kens. I promise they didn't cost me that much."

Her heart rate slowed, as she relaxed. Good. She inched over toward him on the couch, shoving the raccoons in his face. "These are not funny," she laughed. Except they both knew they totally were. She held up the hearts, saying, "And these are beautiful."

She buried herself in the crook of his neck, resting there and shutting her eyes. He whispered "Merry Christmas," into her her forehead. Ah, Christmas. She could get used to this type of holiday.

They stayed there for quite a while, until he too started to feel a little sleepy.

"You staying tonight?" he asked.

"Planned on it, but I forgot a change of clothes."

"I've got an oversized tee and sweat pants, if you wanna claim 'em."

"Sure," she said, nuzzling in deeper into his chest.

"Second drawer on the right, before you get too comfy."

She pulled herself up off of him with a frown. She just wanted to get changed quickly so that she could get back to him.

She stepped into his bedroom. It was such an intimate touch to the whole thing, her in his bedroom, wearing his old clothes. Like, what was this? When did she become a hopeless romantic?

She pulled open the drawer, finding the clothes he'd described. As she pulled them out of the drawer, a wad of papers fell out. She reached down to pick them up, but caught a few words that caught her attention.

Cornflower blue.

And at that point, reading it became very necessary.

Goodness gracious, what was this?

With the clothes tucked under her arm, she took the whatever it was in with her to the living room.

"What is this?"

Deeks sat up, turned around, and made eye contact with her.

"Um..."

"Deeks..."

He had a daze in his eyes. It was like he was shaking in utter fear. _She'd found it._

_"_That's just you know, my thing." _Come on, man. You've been with her for the past few days. You've shown her how into this, into her, that you are. Tell her. Be bold. _"When we started being partners, I started this list. Small things. I wanted you to like me, you know? We were always arguing and it really wasn't either of our faults, but I still didn't handle not being liked very well. I thought maybe, if I could prove that I cared to remember dumb things like how you liked your coffee or your favorite take out, then maybe you would tolerate me. Maybe we could have been better partners. Then, the years went by, I went from wanting to be your friend to falling in love with you, and the list went from coffee and take out to your favorite color and what your hair smells like and the way you look at me when you're really not mad but you're pretending that you are."

"I don't understand," she said, shaking her head. She did understand, but she wasn't ready to admit it.

"Don't take it the wrong way. Its not like a shrine to you or anything. It didn't start that way and I didn't intend for you to know about it. It wasn't a 12 step 'How You Get The Girl' program, Kensi Blye addition. It was just my way of getting to know you."

"But you kept it going."

"Old habits die hard."

"Deeks."

She didn't like what this meant. Or did she? Did she even know? No. She didn't. It meant he cared. Of course, she knew he cared. But this was an intense feeling. Knowing he cares is different than feeling he cares, and she's felt a lot of his love these past few days. But there's also something about holding physical proof in her hands, in the form of his gifts and this list, that he's cared for quite some time.

He's cared longer than she has. He's cared about how she didn't necessarily trust him in the beginning. He's cared since it was a gun thing. He's cared probably since her name was Tracy.

Sure, she's not giving herself any credit. She may not have been smitten as Callen had predicted, but she was stuck on Wyler. And it didn't take all too long before she was declaring him as the only one she trusted. She was just surprised that through all this time, here she was, standing in his living room after _enjoying _ herself a nice little Christmas. Standing in his living room getting ready to throw on his old shirt and her long forgotten sweatpants (and a Superwoman sports bra, which she had not discovered yet, one he'd decided to replace after hers was taken into evidence after being used in that op so many months ago), she never saw herself listening to him explain how _long _he's been falling for her.

She handed him the list. "You gotta tell me what you want."

"Huh?" he asked.

"We've been afraid. But we're ready. And this list has plenty of holes. What do you want? What do you need to finish it?"

"Its not something to be finished, Kens. Its just a thing I started. Its just, I want to commit it all to memory. Keep a record. The list isn't how I remember everything about you. It just happened. It's proof that you're not a cover story, you're not just an agent. You're Kensi. I just want the girl, and I'll take whatever the girl comes with. I just want you. I don't need this list. I just need you. At the end of the day, I just need you."

He set the list down on the coffee table, but she picked it up and folded the sheets into quarters and shoved it into his front jeans pocket, smiling. Her touch was electric.

"Keep your list. You win."

"I win?" he asked, trying not to think about where her hands had just been.

"Yeah, you win," she said, walking towards the bathroom. "I am so insanely romanced by everything you just said and I can't stand it."

"Lacy lady side!" he called as she shut his bathroom door. He chuckled to himself for a moment, until he heard her shout his name again.

"Deeks!"

Before he could reply, the bathroom door flew open and an item of clothing was flung at him, hitting him in the face, as he heard the door shut again. He twitched his nose and picked it up off of the floor.

_Superwoman sports bra. _

Through his chuckling, he heard her say, _"_we won't be needing that."


	11. Track 11

A/n: I know I said I was done with the Julie thing (from 5 and 7) but like, I couldn't write this without them having an adorable baby girl so you know what? There's a time gap though, so like, Kensi is back at NCIS and Julie can talk! I had some editing issues too, so there may be a few errors I didn't quite catch and I apologize! Thanks dolls :)

* * *

><p>Track 11 (This Love)<p>

* * *

><p>She's a superhero. He knows that.<p>

He sits in the waiting room, twirling his finger around his ring, but also her ring in his palm. He remembered how it got there. Of course she'd do something like this, to leave him questioning his very existence. He knew that.

She's one tough woman. He knew that she was ready to come back to work. After 5 months of being back in their home, he knew she was restless, and as nervous as he was about having her back in the field, he knew it was her job. He knew it was what she was meant to do. He knew it was what she loved.

"Why don't you come back to work?" he'd asked.

Her eyes had perked up. She knew he wasn't the boss of her, he wasn't there to control her life. He was there to love and lift and encourage her. If she'd said she wanted to go back, he'd have supported her. But when he suggested it, it made her feel like she was really ready.

And that was 2 years ago. Now, she was back into it all 100%. She'd blossomed and flourished; getting back to work was just what she needed. Their banter was back, the jokes and dumb metaphors, it all. She felt more in control of herself, more free to make her own decisions. She not only knew that, but finally she believed it. But they were okay. They were all okay.

Kensi and Deeks. Deeks and Kensi.

And Julie who was now three, almost four, and completely adorable and perfect in every way. Stubborn as her momma, sweet as her father.

Suddenly, Deeks heard footsteps coming down the hall of the waiting room, and he saw Julie walking with Kensi's mom.

"Daddy!" Julie shouted, albeit quietly, and toddled over to him. He pulled her up into his lap and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hi baby girl," he said, slipping Kensi's ring onto his pinkie.

"Daddy, where's Mommy?"

His heart tightened, and he squeezed his baby girl.

"Mommy's with the doctors right now, and they're going to do their very best to make sure she gets better. "

"She got hurt?" Julie asked, in her little shocked voice.

"Yep, Mommy got hurt."

She lay her little head on his chest, and hugged him. "Poor Mommy," she said softly.

His heart crumbled again, broke, shattered, all of the above. How could this little girl lose her mother? He held her tightly and stood up, walking over to Kensi's mom.

"Hey Mom," he said, side hugging Julia.

"Hey Marty," she said, through a sniffle. She loved that he felt close enough to her to call her 'Mom.' After all they'd been through together, she was more than thrilled that he was the one Kensi'd fallen for.

"She took one to the chest, went down pretty quickly. Stayed with me until the paramedics got there, lost a lot of blood, but it definitely missed her heart. The doctors are extremely hopeful."

Julia sighed, resting her head on Deeks' arm. "Scares me to death."

"Always," he replied. "She scares me every single day, but usually not like this."

"She loves you so much," Julia whispered.

Shifting Julie around, he pulled Julia into a hug, and she wiped her few tears away when Julie couldn't see. She pulled away and gave him a sad smile and nod.

They were suddenly aware of footsteps once again, but this time, they belonged to Kensi's  
>doctor.<p>

"Jules, come with me, let your Dad talk to the doctor," Julia said.

"No!" Julie whined, burrowing further into her father's chest.

Deeks shook his head to thank his 'mother', pulled Julie closer to him, and walked toward the doctor. He motioned for Julia to join, and the doctor didn't protest.

"Sorry about the little ears," he said to the doctor. The doctor  
>smiled.<p>

"No problem, considering I have mostly good news. Surgery went well, removed the bullet. It wasn't deep at all. She lost a lot of blood, but she's stable. Shouldn't be any major permanent damage, but she'll be in quite a bit of pain when she comes to."

Relieved, they thanked the doctor, who led them to Kensi's room. She was out, and would be for a while still. Deeks hesitated outside the door, not wanting  
>Julie to see her mother like this. Julia understood, and let herself slip in to see her daughter, then let Deeks know that it was okay to let the little one in.<p>

Besides looking slightly pale, she looked pretty fine. There was a good sized bandage over the right side of her chest, almost her collarbone. Definitely not the worst he'd seen, but that didn't really matter. It was bad enough that it happened.

Deeks whispered to Julie, "Mommy's gonna sleep for a little while, okay babe? But she's alright."

Julie nodded, but squirmed. He set her down, and before he knew it, she'd toddled her way over to Kensi's bed and she was trying to push her way up.

A nurse came in and Deeks cleared it with her before letting Julie climb into the bed on Kensi's left side. Julie pushed herself up, and placed her little hands on her Mom's face. She pressed a kiss to her forehead and said "Feel better Mommy." Then, she settled down in Kensi's side and closed her eyes.

Deeks felt the tears sting the corners of his eyes. His two girls. There's something about Blye women._ Deeks women, really._

Julia, upon seeing that her daughter would be alright, left in order to give Deeks some alone time, but under the order to call her if anything changed or if they needed anything. He assured her that he'd call her as soon as Kensi awoke.

About an hour later, Sam and Callen made their way in to check on Kensi, and Sam laughed at Julie, who was still curled up at Kensi's side.

It was much later, long after they were gone, that Deeks was sitting in the hard plastic chair next to his wife, swirling her ring around his finger again.

"You gonna stop playing with my ring any time soon?" she asked quietly, trying to shift upward without causing herself immense pain.

"Probably not," he said, giving her a weak smile. "You have a little friend."

"I noticed," she said. "How'd she take it?"

"She got pretty clingy, didn't want your mom. But it was adorable. When she saw you, she climbed right up into your bed and kissed you right on the forehead and said, 'Feel better Mommy.'"

Kensi smiled and took a glance down at her sweet daughter, but winced in pain.

"Need anything babe?"

"To stop feeling like I'm on fire," she hissed.

"Can't help that too much."

"Ugh," she groaned.

Deeks stood up, walking over and planting a kiss to her lips. He gave her ring one more squeeze, and then reached up and grabbed her hand.

"I'll give this back to you," he said, slipping the ring back on her finger.

She pulled it up and looked at it. "Nice and clean."

"Yeah," he said, looking at the permanent indentation in his palm that the rock had made.

"What's wrong, Deeks?"

"You almost died today Kens," he said quietly.

"I know," she said. "That's why I gave you this back."

"Kens," his voice got real husky, real deep. Julie began to twist at Kensi's side, so she quickly readjusted her daughter and then locked eyes with Deeks.

The scene ran through his mind, and he felt it all again.

* * *

><p>"Kensi!"<p>

"Deeks!"

Her voice was strong and pained.

"Eric, Kensi's been shot," he said into his earpiece, and immediately, he went to work, getting down on the ground, ripping her shirt apart to stop the bleeding.

She kept her eyes open. Her breathing became more hurried, more ragged.

Never once did he have to say, "Stay with me Kens." She did. She didn't allow herself to slip away.

"Deeks," she said, pulling her hands together and slipping her wedding ring off.

He didn't understand in the moment. He didn't understand what she was doing, what it meant.  
>She slipped her ring into his hand. "Don't let them get any blood on this."<p>

* * *

><p>"I wanted to make sure that if something happened to me, this was still here. Still here for her," she gestured to the sleeping little one on her lap. "And still here for you."<p>

"But why?" he asked, shaking his head.

"It gave you hope. It gave you something to give back to me. Which I'm sure, you never dreamed of having to do. But I mean, I guess our love story came back from the dead, like, twice now, so anything is possible. And of course, for her, because if I'd lost my Mom when I was little, the one thing I'd have wanted was her wedding ring."

Deeks took a deep breath, examining his wife's gentle pale face, the little tear in the corner of her eye.

"I wasn't leaving you, Deeks. Did you think that I was leaving you? Giving up on you? Planning on dying?"

He didn't say anything.

"Martin Deeks," she said sternly, trying to sit up straighter than her pain tolerance would allow. She covered her sleeping daughter's ear (the one not pressed against her stomach) and whispered," get your ass over here."

He took a few steps toward her and she nodded for him to stoop down to her eyelevel.

She tangled her free hand in his curls and pulled his head up to hers and pressed her lips to his nice and hard, enough to make her head ache more, enough to feel his teeth through both their lips. When she pulled away, she said passionately, "I am not leaving you."

Their foreheads crashed together, and Deeks finally felt himself catch his breath.  
>That was about the time that a sweet little voice said, "Mommy?"<p>

Pulling away from her husband, she turned to her daughter, pushing back the wince she so desperately wanted to make. "Hi Julie!"

"Mommy! You're okay!" She pulled herself up once again in order to give Kensi a big kiss.

"I'm pretty sore baby, but I'll be alright."

"Daddy and I are gonna take care of you. He took care of me and Grandma while you were sleepy!"

"Oh, did he?" Kensi asked, smiling up at her husband.

"Yes, he gave us hugs!"

"I like Daddy's hugs," Kensi said, scrunching her nose up against Julie's.

"Me too!" she exclaimed. "And, and," she began, getting right up  
>next to Kensi's ear to whisper her the secret.<p>

"Daddy loves you too."

The corners of Kensi's mouth turned up. It didn't matter in that moment that she couldn't sit up or that she was in some of the worst pain she'd been in since childbirth. It mattered that she was alive, here with her family.

"I love Daddy too," she whispered back, and Julie giggled.  
>Deeks was curious as to what secrets they were sharing, but he had to interrupt the moment when a nurse came in to check on Kensi now that she was awake.<p>

In the hallway, Julie walked with her father, hand in hand, until she dropped his hand and tugged on his pant leg.

"Wanna know me and Mommy's secret?" she asked.

"I don't know, do you think Mommy would want me to know?" he asked lightly.

She giggled, "Of course, Daddy!"

"Okay, lay it on me," he said.

"Mommy says she loves you."

You couldn't wipe the smile or the tears off of Deeks' face. It had been an insanely long day, but with these two girls by his side, he could pretty much make it through anything.

"Daddy, why are you crying?" Julie asked, alarmed.

"It's been a long day, baby girl."

"I know. I'm still sleepy!" she said.

"Let's call Grandma and then check back in with Mom, and then let's see if we can get you to bed. It's late."

He pulled her into his lap, and rested his chin on top of her golden curls and dialed Julia. Julie talked to her grandma, telling her that "Mommy woke up!" They talked for a few minutes, but Julie was pretty tuckered out, and soon, Deeks was putting his phone back in his pocket.

When they got back to Kensi's room, she looked much more relaxed, having had pain medication.

Kensi assured Deeks that she was fine; that she was fine with him taking Julie home and to bed. He knew she hated hospitals, but he also knew this wasn't the place for Julie.

However, Julie refused to leave her mother's side, and it took him back to the long nights just a few years ago when she cried, "Mom, Mom, Mom," all night long. He couldn't separate them.

Kensi and Deeks talked quietly until she fell asleep, and when she was out soundly enough, Deeks picked her up and settled into the chair with her so that Kensi could get some real rest. (The nurse, who thought Julie was adorable, had invested in finding a nice softer chair for Deeks to sleep in.)

He snuggled in and kissed Julie on the cheek, his scruff grazing her cheek, and she giggled, "That tickles!"

Kensi cackled. Julie continued to giggle. So much for being asleep.

"Daddy's a little shaggy, isn't he?" Kensi asked, still laughing. Julie continued her quiet giggles.

Her little giggles. Kensi's laugh. Probably his favorite sounds in the whole world.

He just realized that he's finally found happy. This right here is all he's ever wanted. Even when bad days come, this love is good enough to make him remember how blessed he is.


	12. Track 12

Track 12 (I Know Places)

* * *

><p>There are two definitions of safe: one they're okay with, and one they aren't.<p>

There's safe, as in before they were bold. When there were no kisses, empty affections, hidden desires, and guarded words. Long nights of lying with his head on her ass like it was his pillow. Because that didn't mean anything at all.

They were NOT allowed to go back to that. They couldn't. Those were not their brightest days.

But now that those days have passed, they've revealed a new definition of safe. In ways, it interlocks with the old definition.

It's her couch, his apartment. All the places from before. Except this time, their actions weren't what you would call safe. Instead, these places were what kept them safe.

Here, just between the two of them, they're indestructible. They have a beautiful and amazing thing growing, getting bigger and bigger and bigger, more perfect. More magical.

But their respective apartments are the only places where this happens.

The beach, sometimes. Usually at dinner.

But the Office of Special Projects really keep them from getting anywhere. Because there, it's the place where they really aren't safe at all. Practically, anything but safe.

And Kensi's about had _enough. _She's tired of being careful. She's tired of walking on eggshells and lying.

The amazing thing is, _Hetty doesn't know. She doesn't._

They've lied and set up fake dates for one another, convinced their entire team that they're over one another. Their thing died, they're happy for one another the way things have turned out. It's like a terrible long term cover assignment. One that will _never ever end._

She can't take it anymore.

It's the third Thursday in March. They've been doing this for three months, and she's already over it.

She's not over him. She's over lying about being with him. She wants to hold his hand in public and she wants little old ladies to look at them and smile and remember how it felt when they were this young and happy. She wants all that outrageous dumb shit that she swore she'd never need.

And she's truly grateful, because yes, at least she has him. But that doesn't mean she's not allowed to desire stupid superficial things.

There's no time she feels it more than this Thursday night, as her heavy breathing slows and she settles into his side. That's when she finally says something.

"Let's just run away."

"Kens, I don't think that's how it works," he pants, his breathing still rather escalated from their _activities _just a few moments ago.

"We go to work tomorrow, we both take a week off, and we just leave."

He starts to say something, but she interrupts. "Monty can stay at my Mom's."

Her proposition doesn't sound too bad. But it doesn't fix their problems. In fact, it might cause a few more than they already have.

"If we both take a week off at the same time, everyone will know about us. Hetty will know."

"And we'll have the whole week to get our stories straight. It'll be like Mammoth, except when we come back, we won't have anyone to lie to."

He clears his throat. "But there's a reason we're keeping us a secret in the first place."

"Are you willing to go back to LAPD?"

His heart practically stopped. Was he? Yeah, of course, if he could have NCIS or Kensi, he'd pick her in a heartbeat. But never has she _asked _him to decide.

"Um, yeah," he answered hesitantly.

"And I'm willing to give Granger the middle finger and hand in my badge. There's nothing in our way, Deeks, except ourselves."

_That's his Kensi._

"If this is what you want," he said uneasily.

"I don't want it. I don't want to lose you as my partner, I don't want you to go back to LAPD. I want nine days devoted to us, and I want to come back and never have to lie about how much I love you. But there are risks if we do this, and if you don't want to take them, I don't either."

She sold him right there. "We did say we were all in, if I recall," he said, wrapping his hand around hers and squeezing it tightly.

"All in," she agreed, planting a kiss to the back of his hand.

* * *

><p>"What on earth are we going to do in Australia?" he asked, sitting down in his seat next to hers on the plane upon loading their carry-ons into the overhead compartment.<p>

She ponders it for a moment. "Sex," she nods. "We'll have a lot of sex."

"We have to go all the way to Australia for sex?"

"We said we'd go to Australia if we made it out of that house alive."

"Kensi, that was like three years ago."

"So we waited three years too long."

He sighed.

"Honestly, I don't care what we do. As long as from the moment we get off this plane to the moment we get back on it, you take my hand and never drop it."

He smiled, "I can do that." He leans in, pressing a long kiss to her lips.

"When do we talk about what's going on back home?

"How about the plane ride back?" he offered.

She kissed him this time. "I like the sound of that."


	13. Track 13

A/n: Ah, here we are. Clean is m favorite song on the album, so this one's kind of deep. Please don't kill me. Thanks for your outpouring response to the last update! Wow! I did not expect that that would be the favorite. I've got to say I kind of liked This Love the best, or maybe the Bad Blood one... but anyway, thank you.

Following this, I'll do the bonus tracks, but this one will probably be the last for a week or so. Probably. Maybe not, I don't know. As you know, school has to come first.

Again, thanks for all your love and kindness, here and on Tumblr.

* * *

><p>Track 13 (Clean)<p>

* * *

><p>His alarm clock buzzed. She opened her eyes, and the light filtering between the curtains stung. She could hear a low roll of thunder, and she knew the light really wasn't from his curtains, but that stupid light up arrow sitting by the window.<p>

She lifted up her head, feeling a soft, warm and wet sandpaper tongue licking the back of her hand.

"Oh go away you damn dog," she hissed.

Monty let out a deep bark. Kensi growled back at him, pulling herself up off of the couch. She slid into one of his old sweatshirts and grabbed the dog's leash.

Monty howled as they stepped out on the front porch as if to say, "Um, its storming, Mother." She pulled him out into the rain anyway.

They were only out for a few minutes, yet the rain poured down on them. It was cold. It was cold in Los Angeles.

Upon stepping back inside, the pair was soaked. Kensi ran to his hall closet and grabbed a few old towels. She sat down on the kitchen floor and wrapped her arms around Monty, drying him off with the towel.

"Sorry I called you a damn dog, Monty."

She glanced up from her vulnerable spot on the floor. The calendar on the refrigerator remained fixated on that one date: March 31. She hadn't touched the calendar since.

That was the worst day of her life.

Once Monty was mostly dry, she peeled her soaked clothes off of herself and left them in a pile on the floor. She got another towel from the closest and stepped into the bathroom for a shower.

Suddenly, she was surrounded by him. Once she'd opened his shampoo bottle and poured a drop onto her palm, her insides began to bubble. As it lathered in her hair and then slid down her, the bubble popped, leaving her dizzy and empty.

But although once the suds had all washed away, and she felt very empty, she still smelled like him.

And that was enough.

Who was she kidding? It would never be enough.

But it was all she had.

Like she said at the funeral, Marty Deeks was like a butterfly. He came around, he gave her hope. In his presence, she felt blessed. "He'd be pissed than I'm comparing him to a butterfly," she'd said, "but that's who he was." He was that touch of magic. A touch of beautiful. "Handsome," she'd corrected herself.  
>As she dried herself off, she'd remembered other thoughts she'd shared at his funeral.<p>

"We would have gotten married."

"He would have been a great father."

"I loved him. I do love him."

They never found his body. He was called by LAPD to go undercover, late in the night. He didn't want to go, heck, he was one day away from signing those papers to become NCIS. One stupid day.

His last known whereabouts was this old abandoned shipping warehouse. The building was blown to bits, everything burned to the ground. Presumably, there were 6 killed that March night. LAPD couldn't determine the identification of any of the remains. They were all too badly burnt. Based on bone structure, the ME predicted there had been 30 something year old male killed.

And Deeks never showed up. Put two and two together, making March 31 the worst day of Kensi's life.

May 31, two months later. And she was still feeling that same pain. The pain she'd felt as she compared him to a butterfly, one with clipped wings.

After her shower, she slipped another one of his old shirts on, and then a pair of his sweats.

She knows at this rate, it'll only be about a week before she starts to run out of clothes that smell like him. That will sting, but she still won't be sober. She can always keep buying more of his shampoo.

Slowly, life had started moving on. She'd been assigned a new partner. Nell filled in for a few weeks, but ultimately, she decided she couldn't fill Deeks' place. Her new partner was a blond, about 5'2. She was from Iowa. Her name was Emma. She was in her late twenties, far too young. She tried to talk to Kensi about random things, Taylor Swift and puppies and Dancing with the Stars. She was nice and sweet, and tough, Kensi had to admit.

But she wasn't Deeks.

And so nothing bonded the two. They got their cases solved and went home. Never out for drinks. No matter how many times Nell would push for Kensi to join them, she just didn't have the desire.

She wanted to go get drunk on Deeks. She'd just go to his place and lie on his bed or his couch or anything, anything to bring her closer to her _partner_.

Monty was sitting on the couch, and he whimpered as Kensi walked in. The ends of her hair were still stringy and damp.

"You mad at me buddy?" she asked. "I'm just upset about Daddy. I know you are too," she said, patting the dog on the head. He nuzzled into her leg once she sat next to him.  
>"Daddy wouldn't let you be on the couch, would he?"<p>

There was one thing that dog and her shared: they both missed that man like hell. Sure the team missed him. They're still insanely upset about it. But no one feels it like this pair. He belonged to them.

Burying her head into the dog's neck, she let the first tear fall. She grasped the pink cat pillow from her feet and pulled it to her chest.

She was surrounded by him. Except, she wasn't.

She was drowning. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. _Deeper_.

She could have screamed, but no one would have heard her. All that would have done was scare the poor dog.

Saturdays were the hardest. Alone, all day, surrounded by the walls he used to live inside of. Saturday, May 31 was the hardest day yet. She realized it then, with the dog and the cat  
>pillow. She'd never come back from this one. This cut was too deep. One straw too many. Overboard.<p>

She's too prideful and strong to ever admit it, but this time, after this loss, she's never going to be happy again.

It's not a delusion. She's not just being sappy. This is it. This is just the truth.

And then, she hears a key slip into the lock.

She shoots up. Monty begins to howl again. She reaches for her gun, which was laying on his coffee table. She stands up and runs to the door, and prepares to shoot.

But once the door opens, Monty quiets, and she looks up. The only sound heard throughout the apartment is the clink of her gun hitting the floor.

His eyes are tired. His hair is wild, his scruff longer than she's ever seen it. Her hands reach for a wall, a table, a chair, something. She feels herself lose grip. Her knees buckle, but suddenly, he's there, catching her.

"I'm here, Kensi."

She can't catch her breath. What?

"No. No. You're dead."

"I'm not dead."

She feels so lightheaded. She's hallucinating. She's in a dream.

She's dead, too. Something.

He's not alive. He's not here talking to her.

"Don't do this to me Deeks," she says, weakly. She can't be real. This isn't real.

She trembles in his arms. She's lost weight. She's cold. Her hair is wet. He did this to her. And it kills him.

But he's the cure.

"Kensi," he says, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into his arms. "I wasn't killed in the warehouse. I'm right here. They were running a human trafficking ring. If I didn't follow them out of the country, twenty fifteen year old girls would have been sold to rapists."

She pulled away from him.

She reached up and touched his cheek. She felt his scruff between the pad of her thumb and her index finger.

"Kiss me," she demanded.

He didn't hesitate.

He was all there. The scruff stung her lips and he tasted like Deeks and his hands were everywhere and that bubble of excitement built up...

and it didn't pop. It didn't disappear.

Because he was right here with her.

Deeks was alive.

Over the last two months, she's lost everything. But she's found that this man is her everything. She's found that he's an essential part of her.

"Kensi," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers, "Kensi I'm sorry."

"Shhh…" she replied. "Just kiss me until I forget my name."

He does just that. He goes from supporting her weight to resting with his hands on her waist and hers on his face.

He breaks her kiss and tries to talk to her again. "But really…"

"I'm not mad at you. You did what you had to do. You saved those girls and protected them like you'll protect our daughter."

"Our daughter?"

"I thought you were dead, Deeks. You're not. I'm not going to risk losing you again. You're handing in those papers now and we're getting married and having kids, okay?"

"Well, at least let me _ask _you first."

She pulls the ring off of her finger and hands it to him.

"Where'd you find…?"

"I've kind of been living here, if you hadn't noticed. And wearing your clothes. And stuff. You really didn't have it hidden."

He shakes his head. So much confirmation. It's so scary that his death did this to her. He promised not to get himself killed. It's such a wakeup call.

He slips down onto one knee. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

Her heart is so swollen with happiness that she can't say anything. Her everything. _She's going to marry him._

"I should have married you a long time ago," she says, extending her hand to him, so he can slide the ring onto her finger.

There's a lot up in the air. How does one come back from the dead? How is everyone else going to react? How can she explain all of the damage done to his apartment?

But none of that _really _matters.

"I still remember my name," she said, pulling him up with that outstretched hand.

"Oops. My bad," he replied.


	14. Track 14

I am so insanely blown away with the response to that 'track'. Not to be cliché or whatnot, but wow. Thank you all for saying all of those wonderful things. I can't even. I just want to come and talk to all of you and tell you how much your nice words mean to me. This is amazing. Amazing.

I wasn't going to do this. And I didn't think I'd get to do another one this weekend, but…

So much for oneshots- here's the continuation of 'Track 13'

* * *

><p>Bonus Track #1 –<em> Track #14 <em>(Wonderland)

* * *

><p>"I'd like you to meet Marty Deeks. Deeks, this is Junior Agent Emma Wold," Kensi said, smiling.<p>

"Marty, it's nice to meet you. I'm glad you're alive, sir."

He laughed. "Thanks, I'm glad I'm alive too," he said, squeezing Kensi's hand just a little tighter. "But none of that sir business. I'm 36, not 50."

Emma laughed. "Sorry. Just, you're really important to her. I wanted to make sure I addressed you with the same respect that she does."

Kensi bowed her head, feeling her cheeks deepen in a blush.

"Respect? No no no… I don't think we're talking about the same Kensi." Deeks joked.

"Go easy on her Deeks, she thought you were dead," Sam scowled. Deeks stuck his finger in the air. He chuckled, and guided Kensi's chin up with his finger and pulled her face up to meet his in a kiss.

"Hey, you two, not in the office," Callen scolds, pointing at them.

He pulls away from her to argue. "I thought we were going easy on her because everyone thought I was dead."

Hetty walked in and interrupted.

"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Blye, Ms. Wold, my office please."

The three followed Hetty into her office, and Deeks lead Kensi with their interlocked hands.

The past few days had been utter bliss. Like, perfection. They were still feeling it on the Tuesday morning in OPS. Of course, after a late night run to turn in paperwork on Saturday, they'd taken off Monday to continue their eloping.

So of course when they came in today, the PDA vibes were strong.

When they'd been together before, this hadn't been part of them at the office. They kept it clean, professional. But now, she was having a lot of trouble keeping her lips off of him.

"Mr. Deeks, I'll start off by letting you know that all of your paperwork has been sent to LAPD, and I'm just waiting for their sign off, and you're ours."

He smiled. "Thank you Hetty."

"Now, Ms. Blye, we'll spare Ms. Wold from hearing this conversation, but if you expect to have him back as your partner, you'll have to learn how to keep your hands off of him. If you can keep your partnership and relationship balanced, I see no problem assigning him right back to this team," Hetty said, causing Kensi more embarrassment.

It's not like their magic world of happiness could last forever.

Or maybe it could.

"Now, if Deeks is rejoining the team, that leaves us with a slight problem," Hetty proclaimed, turning to look at Emma.

_Oh no, Kensi thought._ She and Emma hadn't been the best of partners, but she didn't want to see the girl get fired. It was of no fault on Emma's part. Was this some cruel punishment?

"Considering the ring is still on Ms. Blye's finger, I take it there will be a wedding in the near future, and who will be Ms. Jones' partner in the field while they're on their honeymoon?"

Emma smiled, and Kensi felt herself relax into Deeks' chest.

"And, I also imagine it won't be too long before a maternity leave will require a fill in, and until then, I'd like you to work with Ms. Jones and Mr. Beale up in OPS. I do understand correctly that you prefer the more technical side of working cases, correct?"

Emma nodded, "I do, mam."

"Excellent. So are we all settled here, agents? I haven't made any false assumptions?"

The three looked at one another. "Nope, I think you got it just right," Kensi said.

* * *

><p>That night, the team got together for celebratory drinks. There were a lot of things to be celebrated. Deeks was alive, he and Kensi were getting married, Emma didn't get fired, and the list went on and on…<p>

With love 'in the air' or so to speak, it seemed appropriate for Joelle and Michelle to join them. They encouraged Emma to bring along her boyfriend Matt, whom Kensi hadn't honestly heard too much about. Emma never really wanted to rub that wound during their short lived partnership.

They all introduced themselves, and sat down at a table in the corner. On a Tuesday night, the place wasn't too busy.

After a few drinks, Kensi felt herself lean more and more into Deeks' chest. He'd stayed mostly sober, stopping after just one beer. He decided he'd probably want to remember this night.

Good choice. Sam and Michelle went home pretty early, it was a school night and they didn't want to keep their sitter up too late. Callen and Joelle followed suit, Joelle being a kindergarten teacher after all. Nell and Eric stuck around for quite a while longer, but ultimately, they too headed out.

"Well, we should probably go," Emma said, "but I want something fruity first."

"I'll grab it," Matt said. He smiled and got up to go order.

Kensi was buzzed, but not drunk by any means. "Yeah, we should probably head out soon too. I'm going to run to the restroom." She stood and slipped past him, letting her back graze his chest. He laughed, knowing full well what she was doing, and grinned.

He took a second to try to erase those dirty thoughts from his head and looked up to say something to Emma.

"Gotta say Wold, I'm impressed. You're pretty put together for a 20 year old."

She rolled her eyes. "Please, don't kid yourself. I'm practically 30."

"Still, I had no clue what I was doing with myself when I was 30."

"I think part of it depends on who you've got by your side."

He broke eye contact with her, thinking to himself. Very, very true. Look at where he was, all because of Kensi?

"Oh," she added, "I just wanted to say something to you about Kensi. I meant what I said before. There weren't a lot occasions in which she wanted to talk about you. But when she did, and there were days in which she did, I can't, I can't even explain it. You could just hear it in her voice, the love, the admiration." She paused. "I know you don't need me to tell you this, but she really had a hard time. She just kept loving you."

"Thank you for telling me, Emma. I'll be proud to call you my partner one day, when that day comes. Thank you for watching her back for me. "

"It was my pleasure."


	15. Track 15

A/n: I told myself when I started this: You will not make the song itself ever be a part of the story. NO. Bad.

Well, I did it. The song was written for a couple of Taylor's friends' wedding. So well. It happened.

* * *

><p>Bonus Track 2- <em>Track 15 <em>(You Are In Love)

* * *

><p>Her hair is still up in a bun, her crystal jewelry still dangling from her neck and ears, but she's traded her lacy white dress for an elegant purple party dress. With the help of her mom, she'd managed to slip out of the dress with ease, and they were done in just a matter of a few minutes.<p>

She walks out into the room. Eric smiles at her, and she notices his hand is resting in the center of Nell's back. She smiles back at him, and almost winks. But she  
>doesn't.<p>

Everything is a blur to her. The music isn't that loud, but its loud enough. She's not sure if she's smiling or not. People are talking to her, there are so many people here. Like, since when did they have this many friends? No. She doesn't. What is this?

She stops and talks to Nate, he gives her a long hug and congratulates her. She feels comfortable right here. No need to move on, right? Wrong.  
>She sees him across the room. He's still got his tux on. He's dancing a little girl, and she just has to go see what that's about. That's when she spots Ray.<p>

She leaves Nate, and pops into Ray's line of sight. Deeks and the little girl are twirling around, and he's too preoccupied to notice her.

"Wikipedia," Ray says with a smile. "Pleasure to see you again."  
>"Hi Ray," she says. She thinks she's smiling.<p>

"He married his best friend. Took him long enough," Ray said. She's been hearing a lot of that stuff today, and its so overwhelming to her. Her blush is noticeable. "Now Kensi," he says. She feels herself blush harder.

"He's perfect, " she whispers, only loud enough for herself to hear. However, its Ray after all. She knows he heard her.

"Oh no, don't tell him that. Don't let him get big headed," Ray says as they both stare at him twirling the finger around, leading the little girl in circles in front of them.  
>"Hell, he's gonna make a good dad though. Great husband. I'm so happy for you guys."<p>

She doesn't blush this time. She knows all of this already, and to a degree, she's processed it.

He leads Ray's daughter back toward them and picks her up. "It was nice dancing with you girl, but I think I ought to dance with Kensi for a little while, alright?"

The little girl giggles and nods. As he sets her down, she runs over to Kensi. She lightly tugs at the hem of Kensi's dress. Kensi bends down gracefully to see what the girl wants.

"You look beautiful Kensi!" the girl says, before running back to Ray.

Kensi's heart does that warming thing it likes to do when she feels like she's about to melt. She looks up just enough to see her husband's hand extended out to her. She grabs it and stands up.

He leads her to a corner of the room, an empty one, where there aren't people and the music is softer and there are no harsh lights.

"You doing okay, Kens?"

She looks at him funny. "What's wrong?"  
>"Nothing," he says, leaning against the wall. "I'm just checking."<p>

She doesn't understand still, and she thinks if she continues to look at him like he's stupid that he might continue.

"Because I know that this is in fact not what you wanted for your wedding or reception," he says softly, rubbing circles into her palm. "You wanted something quieter, smaller, more intimate. And now we're here, and I'm not sure how it got to be this, but I do know its not what you wanted."

He knows her so well that sometimes she can't even believe it herself.

She thinks about it for a moment. Yeah, she had wanted it to be smaller. There are only a handful of people that she really needed to be here when they got married. This wasn't at all what she'd had in mind. The ceremony had gone just fine, but the moment she had stepped back into the reception, that's when she lost it. The attention was on her, and she wasn't used to that. It filled her with an anxiety that she didn't fully understand. She doesn't like to have the spotlight on her.

But she has him. And he's enough. Enough that it doesn't truly matter that she's slightly uncomfortable at her own wedding reception. Because here he is, mere centimeters away from her, making sure she's okay.

"I'm fine," she says, giving him a little smile. "I mean it this time."

He grabs her arm and twists it, pulling her into him. "I'll make this up to you."

"There's nothing you have to make up for," she says, quietly. "This may not have been what I had in mind, but that doesn't make it a bad thing. "

He kisses her and said, "Come on darlin'. I'm gonna show you off, we're gonna dance, shove some cake down our throats, and then ditch this place."

She laughs as his hand twists around her arm back to her palm, where he laces his fingers through hers and begins to drag her back out into the crowd.

She catches her Mom's big smile, Ray's whistle, Sam's smirk... and she just knows. Maybe this was more right than it was wrong.

She had no part in his choice of music for their first dance. It was something she didn't really think she cared about, like most of the little details of the wedding. She was totally cool with letting him make his choice. There was that element of surprise and curiosity that made it alluring.

As she placed her arms around his shoulders and his arms around her waist, their friends and family cheer.

And his song of choice begins to play.

She squints- she doesn't recognize it. It isn't until she hears the first few lyrics that she recognizes the voice. Did he pick a Taylor Swift song? Really? She keeps squinting, but she laughs with it. He smiles, and they begin to sway.

She's never heard the song before. She tries to focus on the words, but its hard, because they're touching and they're swaying and she's just really really happy.

She tries to ring her emotions in. _Come on, Blye. Deeks. Whatever your name is._ She locks eyes with him.

And the words sink in.

_Small talks, coffee, one touch, his shirt, ghosts, best friend, fought the wars, silence, you are in love._

And it couldn't fit them any more perfectly. And in that moment, its like she's falling in love with him all over again. She guess that she better get used to that feeling. Looks as if she'll be doing it every day for the rest of her life.

The song ends, and she realizes that she's still staring into his blue eyes, and she doesn't even hear a majority of the clapping.

Sometimes she forgets how necessary he is. How there are some things she doesn't have to face alone anymore.

She is happy to be in love with Marty Deeks.

* * *

><p>Its a few hours later. Her make up has been washed away. Her dress has been once again traded, this time for his big button down shirt. They're not saying anything, but the room is not silent.<p>

In her head, all she's heard is that damn song. It was her anthem as they left the reception, the melody as he undressed her agonizingly slowly with that big delirious grin she loves.

He breaks the non-silence. "You're humming."

"Hmm?" she asks.

"You're humming," he said. He imitates her. She sticks her tongue out at him.

"Did that song make you happy?" he asks in a sing-songy voice.

She smirks. "Maybe."

He kisses her forehead. "Thought you might."

She snuggles herself deeper and deeper into his bare chest. Love love love. She's in love. She's happy. Finally. Finally married. She never thought she'd see this day.

She is so very glad that she does see it.


	16. Track 16

a/n: I got this prompt on Tumblr, but it was the same thing as I planned on doing for this final track. This will conclude this fic, as its the last song on the album. Writing this has been absolutely amazing. Thank you all for the support and kind words and PMs and favorites and _just reading it_. Julie is one of my favorite things that came out of this fic, and if you ever want another take on her, let me know. I am game for it :)

In this one, a character named Maxwell comes up. In a one-shot prompt I got, I created their son, Maxwell. If you want to read those, check out Words. There are a ton of little fics there, several of Max takes in there. But he makes an appearance in here, so heads up. It's not necessary to read any of those to finish this one out though!

* * *

><p>Bonus Track 3- <em>Track 16 <em>(New Romantics)

* * *

><p>"I can't. We can't."<p>

Deeks looks at her with very forgiving and sympathetic eyes. They're already sitting in the car in front of her mom's place.

"Sweetie, your mother is perfectly capable of watching him." Him is their three month old son Maxwell.

"I know she can watch him, she's watched him since I came back to work. But this is overnight."

He wants to point out that there is no difference between his lovely mother-in-law watching him during the day and overnight, but he knows its killing Kensi, so he doesn't.

"Kens, he's going to be fine."

"But what if he can't sleep? Or if he gets sick."

"He isn't going to get sick." Deeks turns around in his seat, looking at the mirror on the back of the headrest. Maxwell is in his car seat, fast asleep. "And he's already asleep."

"Ya, so now what happens when he wakes up and we're not around?"

He shakes his head. Time to take this a different route.

"You trust me, don't you?"

She rolls her eyes, "Yes. Every day. With my everything."

"I know our job teaches us to be paranoid, but this is nothing, Kens. He's going to go in, sleep a bit, take a bottle and a diaper change, then go back to sleep. That's all."

She starts to interrupt, but he says "Trust me," and she can't. She unbuckled her seatbelt with a huff.

She hops out of the car and carefully gets Maxwell out of his seat. "I don't want to do this," she says.

His heart kind of drops. He knows she doesn't feel ready to leave Maxwell overnight, but it also sounds like she's not to keen on having a night out with him. He's not sure what she's thinking.

Julia is excited to see her grandson. He wakes up before they leave, and although it alleviates one of Kensi's fears, it makes it even harder to leave him. They finally head out the door, and they both give him kisses, Kensi on the nose and Deeks on the forehead. Julia told Kensi how beautiful she looked, but it doesn't relax her at all. She does look beautiful, in her long lacy navy blue dress. She was definitely dressed for a night out with her husband.

She tries to stand by the door for a few seconds, and a few seconds was all Deeks would give her. It was already 7 o'clock. She gets in the car, and she honestly looks like she's about to cry. He thinks that maybe in a few minutes, the look will go away. However, it doesn't. At every red light, he glances over at her, and by the time they get to the restaurant, he can't take it anymore.

He pulls into a parking spot but he doesn't stop the car. He turns and looks at her, she's still visually upset. "Maybe we should just go home," he said.

She turns to loom at him, and her eyes get wide. "What?"

"You're not going to enjoy it if you're so worried. It won't be about us. Maybe stuff like this isn't for us anymore."

She can hear the disappointment in his voice, and she feels guilty. They've been neglecting each other lately, and this night was really supposed to be all about them. Yet it wasn't about them at all. It was her fault.

When she doesn't answer, he puts the car in reverse and gets ready to drive off. She chokes out a "Wait!" before he can actually get anywhere.

"I'm sorry," she says. "Dammit, Deeks."

He wants to be angry at her, but he can't. Not when she adds "I just, I just never knew I'd love another person as much as I love you. And it's hard to leave him like that for so long. I don't know how to deal with that yet."

She starts to apologize again, but shuts her up with a long slow and sweet kiss.

"I do want to spend a night with you, like we used to. Getting tipsy and dancing and having really, really loud sex at 3 am. It has nothing to with me not wanting alone time with you. It just makes me nervous to leave him."

Before she changes her mind, she unbuckles herself and grabs her clutch. She pulls out a tube of eyeliner and fixes what her damp eyes ruined. She puts on a little more lipstick, and then she gets out of the car.

He's close behind her. He loves that she's stubborn, and that when she's made her mind up that she's doing something, she does it, no matter what.

The restaurant they went to was nice, but not crazy nice. They both got wine, knowing they'd never end up in a bar tonight after her comment about wanting to have 'really loud sex.' They could drink beer and dance around in the living room, and it would be much easier to go upstairs than have to drive home first before they could do anything.

That's what they thought, anyway.

It was almost as if Kensi had forgotten how much fun it was to just he with him, to just be his. She was still this flirtatious sexual being. She'd become a mother, and forgotten a little. She was tired and worn out from it all, but she was loving life.

And so, since they were doing this, and they were already dressed for the occasion... she suggested that they go to a bar anyway. He was suprised, but didn't complain. They were still Kensi and Deeks, Deeks and Kensi. Nothing about that had changed. They're still young and hopelessly in love.

He took her to the bar they frequented when they were first dating. She giggled and walked in with him around her waist. It was pretty perfect.

The bartender recognized them right away. "You two!" he called. "Haven't seen you in forever."

Deeks laughed. "Yeah, been about a year."

"Where you been?" he asked.

"Having a baby," Kensi smiled.

"That explains a lot," he said, returning her smile. "What can I get ya? Still want your usuals?"

Deeks nodded. "Sounds good."

The bartender pointed. "Go dance. I'll get on it."

Their little old favorite bar wasn't all too busy these days, but everything around them was familiar. It may have been only just a few short years ago, but there were so many memories of passionate kisses and longing gazes and brazen dances. As she wrapped herself around him, she realized that she'd been wrong. Yes, they were still Kensi and Deeks. They were hopelessly in love. But they weren't the same Kensi and Deeks that frequented this bar years ago. Their worlds were quicker then, more hurried. They had a kid now. That did change things. But that didn't mean they couldn't have nights out. They were a brand new version of the same romantic couple. They just had to find a balance. She had to find a balance of who she was now. It won't be easy at first, she she learned tonight. But now, she's ready to try and find it. And that makes all the difference.


End file.
